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Social Media Essay

Example from the LMC specification showing various comment types including global comments

essayacademicspecificationglobal
The Impakt of Social Media on Teen Mental Health Social media has became a big part of teenagers' lives. Studies show that teens who use social media alot experience more anxiety and depression. This is because social media creates unrealistic expectations and constant comparison with others. However many people argue that social media also provides valuable connections and support networks for isolated teens. In conclusion, while social media has benefits, the negative effects on mental health cannot be ignored and parents should monitor their children's usage.
12 comments(3 global)
G#1

Spelling: "Impakt" → "Impact"

G#2

Tense error: "has became" → "has become"

S#3

Vague word. Consider: "significant," "integral," or "central"

G#4

Missing apostrophe in possessive: "teenagers'" or "teenagers'"

E#5

Which studies? This claim requires a citation. Specify the research source, sample size, or publication.

G#6

Spelling: "alot" → "a lot" (two words)

L#7

Comma needed after "However" when used as a conjunctive adverb. Additionally, this counterargument appears abruptly—consider a transition sentence.

C#8

Define "isolated teens"—socially isolated, geographically isolated, or teens who feel isolated?

L#9

The conclusion introduces a new claim (parental monitoring) not developed in the body. Either remove this recommendation or add a supporting paragraph.

General Feedback

Tglobal

Essay is under minimum word count. Expand the analysis section with additional supporting evidence.

Eglobal

No sources cited. Academic writing requires referenced evidence to support claims.

Sglobal

Tone is appropriate but could be more formal in places — avoid conversational phrasing like "a big part."

Summary

This essay presents a relevant thesis on social media's mental health effects but requires revision in three key areas:


Strengths:

  • Clear topic with contemporary relevance
  • Acknowledges counterarguments
  • Logical overall structure

Areas for improvement:

  1. 1.Evidence: Add specific citations for research claims
  2. 2.Grammar: Address spelling and punctuation errors throughout
  3. 3.Argument development: The conclusion introduces unsupported claims

Priority revision: Locate and cite the studies referenced in sentence 2.