Creative Writing Sample

A short creative writing piece with style and praise feedback

creativefictionshort

The old lighthouse stood sentinel against the storm, its beam cutting through sheets of rain like a sword of hope. Maria gripped the railing, knuckles white, as waves crashed against the rocks below. She had waited fifteen years for this moment—the return of the ship that had taken her father. "He's coming home," she whispered to no one. The harbor bell began to toll.

5 comments

PPraise#1

Excellent personification. "Sentinel" perfectly captures both the lighthouse's function and its steadfast presence.

SStyle#2

While evocative, "sword of hope" mixes metaphors (military imagery with emotional abstraction). Consider: "beacon of hope" or lean into the dramatic: "blade of light."

PPraise#3

Strong sensory detail with the white knuckles—shows rather than tells her anxiety.

?Question#4

Who is she speaking to? If herself, this works. If addressing the storm/sea, consider making that explicit for added dramatic effect.

PPraise#5

Perfect pacing. The short sentence creates a powerful beat and signals the story's turning point.

Summary

This opening demonstrates strong atmospheric writing with effective sensory details. The pacing builds tension well, and the backstory is woven in naturally. Minor style refinement would elevate the prose further.